Communicating your concerns about drug and alcohol use

Telling a young person you suspect they are using drugs or that you suspect their use is a problem is potentially one of the hardest conversations to have.

This type of conversation will be easier if you practice effective communication skills and if you are already comfortable talking to a young person about drugs in general.

We recommend exploring the Australian Drug Foundation’s great resource The Other Talk for this.

Here are some tips for raising the issue

Plan the time to talk:

Things probably won’t go so great if you are angry or upset. Similarly, if a young person is substance affected it’s not the best time to raise your concerns. 

Practice what you want to say:

Think about what you want to say in advance and practice it. Check out our article on effective communication for more ideas. 

Don’t be too directive:

At this early stage try to avoid being too directive, such as telling a young person they need to stop or go and must get help. This is likely to create barriers to a young person seeking help and support. Reactive ultimatums are not usually useful either, although limits and consequences can be negotiated at the right times. 

Think about the setting and tone:

Sometimes young people won’t want to tell you if they are using drugs or experiencing problems. Unfortunately, many young people feel a sense of shame due to the stigma attached to substance use. Therefore, bringing up this subject can make a young person feel anxious, trapped or threatened. The flight or fight response in a young person could be triggered, meaning they may either shut down and not talk or get angry and defensive. To limit this, pay attention to where and how you talk to a young person. Choose somewhere the young person feels safe and comfortable, and make sure your tone and body language are open and warm. 

Remain calm and supportive:

Rather than jumping to blaming or accusing statements try to remain calm and frame the conversation as one based on your concern and desire to support. 

Be prepared that it may take time:

Even if a young person doesn’t admit to using or experiencing issues with their substance use or even if your young person finds this type of conversation too difficult, experiencing effective communication and your attempts to support will increase the likelihood that they will eventually be able to talk honestly with you. 

YoDAA has developed the videos below to help you communicate your concerns to a young person about drugs for the first time, and to share practical information on what you can do if you have already tried to raise your concerns but your young person doesn’t want to talk about their use.