Effective communication

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Sometimes it can seem as though you are always fighting, arguing or disagreeing with a young person. This can be frustrating for both of you.

Effective communication, learning ways of dealing with and reducing conflict and asking for change can go a long way in supporting a young person to address drug and alcohol issues and be able to utilise the strengths and support of their family.

Here are some useful tips for effective communication

Don’t be too hard on yourself :

Even if you are a good communicator in other situations, these skills often go out the window in conflict situations. Likewise, we can be great with other people but because of the strong emotions involved we can struggle to stay calm when we communicate with our own kids.

Choose a good time to talk:

Trying to talk to someone when you or they are already upset is probably not a great idea. We don’t really communicate that well if we are experiencing really strong emotions. Choose a time when you’re both calm and when there is time to listen to each other properly.

Be aware of your own body language:

Not all communication is verbal or about the words you use. A gentle tone, soft eye contact and a relaxed body posture promote a more relaxed interaction.

Plan what you are going to say:

Rehearse what you want to say and how you will say it.
Use statements that include an “understanding statement”, “a partial responsibility statement”, and “an offer of help”.

An understanding statement – means you understand the needs of the young person.
A partial responsibility statement – indicates you are willing to accept at least part of the responsibility for creating and/or solving the problem.
An offer of help – is a direct offer of something you can do to help solve the problem.

An example of how these types of statements are used is:

“I understand you want to spend more time with your friend Danny and I know I hardly let you go out with him because I am worried he drinks too much. If I speak to Danny’s mum to make sure she’s around maybe you can catch up with him on Thursday night”.

With an ‘understanding statement’, a ‘partial responsibility statement’ and ‘an offer of help’, a young person is more likely to feel that their issues and concerns are understood, and then they are more likely to listen and be open to considering our request.

Even disagreement can strengthen a relationship if a young person sees you understand their point of view.

Be prepared for disagreement:

Disagreement doesn’t need to mean conflict or that communication was poor. Even disagreement can strengthen a relationship if a young person sees you understand their point of view.

YoDAA has developed a video guide to support you in communicating your concerns to a young person about drugs for the first time.

We also recommend a fantastic comprehensive resource called “Strong Bonds” developed by the Jesuit Social Services.